It has been almost a month since my last entry, with lots of new discoveries have been made as well and many improvements…
Unfortunately, around the time of my last post my injury from November returned. This time right before an audition. I returned to a new osteopath, at Action Sport Physio, which I highly recommend to any athlete training in the Montreal area. I was shocked to find out that my injury, which I originally thought was simply displaced rib (NBD!) was actually being caused by my liver.
This explained many issues I’ve been having with my digestion, mobility, nausea and even breathing. But, why was my liver acting this way? Stress, but more specifically an anxiety on my part that I’m not good enough to achieve my goals. The diagnosis of “stress” sounded far fetched to me at first, and then I dug a little deeper. I remembered that each time I was injured I was putting an extra amount of pressure on myself. I have been so concerned about not achieving my goals that I have been holding myself back.
What now? Start believing in myself. I have everything I need to be able to achieve my goals, my body is ready, I just have to let my brain catch up. A little easier said than done, but I’m working on it (without too much anxiety of course!)
I have spent the past month retraining in a lot of ways, as well as accepting that this is not only a physical journey but also a mental one.
I see this as a positive experience. First off, I’ve learned to become more sensitive to key triggers in my body around stress and anxiety, and more importantly I have prioritized taking to time to stop, breath and address those issues. In turn, this new awareness has unleashed a new power within myself. I have realize that I no longer need to hide behind a veil of “not good enough”, and that in many ways my perfectionist outlook has been stifling my potential as opposed to encouraging improvement.
“It’s never either-or, never enjoyment versus advancement, so long as you conceive of advancement in terms of learning rather than climbing to the next rung of the professional ladder. You ARE getting ahead if you learn, even if you wind up staying on the same rung.” (Chris Hadfield, An Astronauts Guide to Life on Earth)
Some key changes that I have made to my program:
10 min of daily meditation – Even 10 minutes of quite can make a huge difference in reconnecting to the breath, and body.
Acknowledging every accomplishment– Instead of concentrating on my imperfections, taking the time to reflect on what I achieved at the end of every training session. Sometimes, that may be as small as showing up.
Writing in a journal– I think a lot, especially when I am training alone. Writing things down has helped me get my thoughts out, but also record what I did after a training session including recording my aforementioned accomplishments, as well as my goals for the next session.
Having fun– As the old saying goes: “It’s not the destination, but the journey”. I used to think that attitude was lame, but more and more I understand how this applies to many things in life, including my training. If I’m not enjoying my training day-to-day, getting into a company, or landing a perfect flip isn’t going to make me any happier.
“Success is feeling good about the work you do throughout the long, unheralded journey that may or may not wind up at the launch pad. You can’t view training solely as a stepping stone to something loftier. It’s got to be an end in itself.” (Chris Hadfield, An Astronauts Guide to Life on Earth)
Oh yes… In case you’re wondering I did the audition, injury and all, and I got the part! I will be performing in my first circus show in Montreal in May!!! More details to come…